A Guide to TrumpSpeak

“Many people are saying . . . ”: Only I, Donald Trump, am saying this thing.

“I’ve been seeing a lot of things . . . ”: I read a single article from Breitbart, or watched a single piece on Fox News, about this issue.

“This [legislation] is fantastic”: I haven’t read this bill, and I don’t know what’s in it, but I’ve been given a one-page brief telling me what I want to hear.

“The media are very unfair [or dishonest]”: The media are accurately reporting things I or my associates did or said, and those things, which the media correctly described, are embarrassing or unpopular, and I wish the media would stop causing me to appear in a bad light simply by doing nothing more than accurately describing the things I did or said.

“Nobody ever talks about . . . ”: The mainstream news media refuse to redirect the conversation to the distracting or misleading topic of my choice.

“We have very good people”: We hired people who are personally loyal to me, regardless of their talent or qualifications.

“The Democratic Party has been very unfair to Bernie Sanders”: Democrats should have selected Bernie as their nominee, because I would have crushed him and won an actually decisive victory.

“I’m an excellent negotiator”: My initial offer will be a ludicrous, strong-arm attempt to get what I want. This offer will be so laughably one-sided that my opponent won’t take it. Because force is the only tactic I understand, I’ll concede defeat if my opponent doesn’t take this offer. From then on, my opponent will understand that bluffing is my primary negotiating tactic.